Making new friends in your 20s feels like dating

Welcome to Life Unsorted – aka my corner of the internet where nothing is figured out, everything is mildly chaotic, and I overshare so you don’t have to feel like the only one winging adulthood and pretending it’s all “part of the plan”.

No one tells you that making friends in your twenties will feel suspiciously similar to dating – just without the flirting and with even more overthinking.

When you’re younger, friendships just happen. You sit next to someone in school, decide you both like the same thing, and that’s it. Best friends. No scheduling, no admin, no emotional debrief afterwards.

Then suddenly you’re in your twenties and making friends feels like a process. A thing. Something that requires planning, emotional energy, and at least one “we should definitely do this again!” message that you immediately overanalyse.

Where do you even meet people?

There’s no friend equivalent of dating apps (and honestly, thank god). Your options include:

• Work friends – helpful in theory, slightly trickier when you work from home and your closest colleague is your laptop.
• Friends of friends – you meet briefly in a restaurant, leave thinking they were lovely, but can only remember their nice bag, not their name.
• Gym classes – you arrive hopeful, avoid eye contact, grab your mat, sweat in silence, and leave immediately without speaking to a single human.
• Hobbies, which is where things get confusing Because when people say “just find a new hobby”, I never quite know what they mean.

I’ve done the same hobby since I was about ten, with largely the same people. It’s familiar, comfortable, and not exactly overflowing with brand-new faces. So when someone suggests getting a hobby I’m left wondering – do they mean crochet? A run club? Something where I suddenly pretend I’ve always loved ceramics?

Instead, I usually resort to solo activities that don’t require speaking to strangers. Like walking. Or writing this blog…. Very social.

The first one-on-one hangout is where it starts to feel serious.

The first hangout (aka the friend date)

The vibe check

Just like dating, not every friendship is meant to work – even if everyone involved is perfectly nice.

• Some people are lovely but not your people.
• Some conversations feel forced.
• Some friendships fizzle after one meet and quietly disappear without explanation.

And then occasionally, it clicks. The conversation flows. Time disappears. You leave thinking, oh… I’d do that again.

The follow-up text (the worst part)

The follow-up message is where confidence goes to die.

• Who texts first?
• How long do you wait?
• Is “we should do this again!” too keen?

Sometimes it’s met with enthusiasm. Sometimes it’s met with silence. Platonic ghosting is real, and somehow hurts more because you thought this was meant to be safe.

When it works

Adult friendship red flags

Because yes, they exist:

• You’re always the one reaching out
• Plans never quite happen
• You leave feeling drained

If it feels one-sided, it probably is.

The reassurance

Making friends in your twenties is harder because everyone is busy, tired, and already juggling a full life. It’s not because you’re awkward, unlikeable, or doing it wrong. You’re just building connection in a different season.

So yes – it really is like dating

You meet people. You try. Some things work, some don’t. You learn what you want and what you’re no longer willing to chase. Eventually, you find your people – not all at once, not perfectly, but in ways that feel right. Life remains unsorted.

Lots of love xoxo